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| JakeJ | 02 Feb 2021 - 08:08:20  |
| 92 Posts |
Congratulations, you’ve worked up the courage to ask that special someone out, and they’ve said yes. Now comes the really hard part: planning your first date. I’ve put together 11 great first date tips to get send you on your way. I know this can be super nerve-wracking. You want to plan your date to make sure you have a great time and show how much you’re interested. But you also don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard or investing a lot in something that may not work out. To help ease your nerves, I’ve turned to research to uncover what actually makes for a great date. Here’s a detailed set of first date tips, according to science. Choose the Right First Date Location The location you choose sets the tone for your date. Unless you already know what types of activities your date likes, it’s best to pick a neutral, low-pressure place where you can focus on getting to know each other and figuring out how well you connect. The last thing you want to do is go to a nice restaurant and discover before your food even has been brought out that you two don’t “click” and it’s not going to work. In this scenario, you’re stuck for the rest of the meal anyway. Can somebody say “Awkward”? Instead of dinner and a movie, suggest trying a local bar or a hip new coffee shop instead. The casual environment serves as a convenient space to have an engaging conversation, without the pressure of dressing fancy or buying an expensive meal. If it feels uncomfortable, you can leave after the first drink. Or better, if you hit it off, you have the freedom to continue your date for as long as you both like. Plus, the bustle of people around you is enough to make extroverts feel at home–heir brains thrive in busy environments–without overwhelming introverts who prefer more intimate settings. ↑ Table of Contents ↑ Prepare for an Engaging Conversation If you’re quiet or have social anxiety, the most nerve-wracking part of going on a first date is trying to have an engaging conversation with someone you barely know. Luckily, psychologists have discovered some keys to the perfect dating conversations. Studies show that if you’re going on a date–especially with a woman–you should forget the cheesy pick-up lines and opt for an interesting conversation starter instead. Women tend to rate empty compliments and failed attempts at humor poorly. They are more attracted to dates who spark conversation topics that show they are curious, intelligent, and cultured. perfect first date Don’t know how to do that? Northwestern University Psychology Professor Dan McAdams studied what it takes to truly get to know someone. He created a list of thirty-six questions guaranteed to help you understand people on a deeper level. Here are three great ones to use on a first date: Given the choice of anyone in the world, who would you want as a dinner guest? What’s your most treasured memory? What would constitute a perfect day for you? Feel free to change the phrasing of these so they sound natural to you. Also, the key to a successful conversation in any context–especially when you’re trying to “wow” someone–is reciprocity. When someone shares something about themselves or asks you a question, always reply back by sharing a similar story, or by asking them the same question. It’s polite and it keeps the conversation equal. One of the most important things to do before you leave the house and before a date starts, is getting your mind right. While you can’t control chemistry, compatibility, or attraction, you can make sure you’re mentally ready if they happen. You’ve gotta get your mind right before a date. If we enter into a date feeling unworthy or defeated, those feelings will carry throughout the night. And no matter how much someone likes us and even shows us their feelings, it won’t be enough to break through our own self-doubt. This is why it’s so important to practice self-compassion before a date (or every day, really). If the mere mention of self-compassion made your eyes roll, I get it. It’s easier said than done. Sometimes it sounds too fluffy to be a worthy endeavor. However, it’s been proven that practicing self-compassion can have a tangible impact on our lives. In a study on the role of self-compassion in romantic relationships, Kristin D. Neff and Natasha Beretvas explain what self-compassion really is: “Neff (2003b) has defined self-compassion (SC) as consisting of three main components: self-kindness versus self-judgment, common humanity versus isolation, and mindfulness versus over-identification.” Neff and Beretvas then go on to unpack some interesting details about how it can work: “Rather than focusing on one’s separate, individual self, compassion involves recognizing that all humans fail and make mistakes, that all life experiences are necessarily flawed and imperfect. Rather than feeling cut off and isolated from others when things go wrong, SC actually facilitates feelings of connection to others in times of failure or difficulty.” (Neff, 2003a; Neff, Kirkpatrick, & Rude, 2007) And for one of the most important components, Neff and Beretvas go on to explain how to engage in self-compassion: “SC entails a balanced, ‘mindful’ response to suffering that neither suppresses difficult emotions nor ruminates on them (Tirch, 2010). Rather than running away with the storyline of one’s problems and shortcomings in an overly dramatic fashion, SC involves maintaining balanced awareness of painful life experiences, acknowledging them just as they are in the present moment.” So, what does this mean for you as you prepare for a big date? Practicing self-compassion can help you stop ruminating on previous dating experiences that didn’t go well. It means you can understand that everyone is frustrated by dating and relationships sometimes. It means that any fear or trepidation you feel prior to a date isn’t a sign of something being wrong with you, but rather an awareness of a feeling we all deal with from time to time. In fact, these experiences are things that connect us all. In other words, sometimes dating is hard; sometimes dating is painful. But the really painful aspect of dating isn’t so much the experiences we endure, as the way we internalize the experiences. Rather than blaming yourself, feeling unworthy, or taking on a pessimistic view of the future, you can shake it all off and know this one thing: bad dating and bad relationships happen. But when dating and relationships go right, it can be life changing. Embrace the fear. Allow yourself to hope for something great. And get ready to just have fun. |
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| Oliverjjjj | 02 Feb 2021 - 09:14:17 |
| 126 Posts |
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| goldfollower | 06 Feb 2021 - 11:32:49 |
| 221 Posts |
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| killersmile | 21 Apr 2021 - 06:55:15 |
| 289 Posts |
cant get over this. will recommend this to my friends. Porch |
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