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Oliverjjjj
02 Feb 2021 - 07:32:09
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126 Posts
Nowadays, is it more likely for you to swipe right with a disinfectant wipe on a table than your finger on Tinder? After all, even though bad boys or bad girls may be your thing, badly infected with the Covid-19 coronavirus should be no one’s thing. So, how do you date safely with the pandemic continuing. Or do you forsake dating, and stick with romantic dinners with statues constructed out of toilet paper rolls?

Jennifer Berman, MD, MS, former co-host of the CBS television show The Doctors and a specialist in female sexual medicine, thinks that completely abstaining from dating may be tough for many to do: ”We are hard wired to connect with other people. It is in our DNA to connect. Research has shown that the single most important factor for people who live the longest was connections to other people. families, friends, and community.”

Keep in mind that the take home message here is not “don’t worry about being single for long because you will die earlier.” Rather, what Berman emphasized is that social connections in general can help. Thus, non-romantic relationships can keep you alive in more ways than one too. Berman’s point was that simply not dating may be too tough to do for many people.

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Plus, if you haven’t figured it out already, this pandemic is not a here today, gone tomorrow type of thing. “This isn’t going away,” emphasized Liana Chaouli, CEO and Founder of Image Therapists. “So you can either regress or adapt to the new situation.” All of this means that dating is not a binary, do-it-like-you’ve-always-been-doing-it versus don’t-do-it-all situation. In fact, maybe the whole pandemic thing will change dating for good.

So how do you adapt to the new normal if you want to keep on dating while doing the safety dance, in the words of that Men without Hats song? Well, here are 12 tips:

1. Be more selective and choose based on qualities that really matter.

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Jennifer Berman wellness sexual health
Jennifer Berman, MD, MS, seen here at The Berman Women’s Wellness Center in Beverly Hills, ... [+] CASSIE CASARO/COURTESY OF DR. JENNIFER BERMAN
These days the personal qualities that will allow you to get closer to someone have to be more stringent than “looks like a movie star”, “has a nice car or clothing or both”, “isn’t carrying an ax” , “appears to be human” or “said ‘hello’ back to me.” That’s because, as Berman said, the stakes are much higher. Before the pandemic, your pre-date preparation may have included questions like “is my hair out of place”, “what clothes should I wear”, or “how many knock-knock jokes is too many?” Nowadays, as Berman urged, you have to add, “am I going to die?” Such a question may have been part of your standard pre-date questions before the pandemic. If so, then you probably were not being selective enough with your date choices.

Of course, being selective doesn’t mean being too picky in the wrong way. It means knowing what is important to you and then checking to see if the other person meets those criteria. For example, why are you ruling people in and out based mainly on appearance when you keep saying that you want a smart and kind person?

The challenge is you may either not know what you really want or be very poor at adhering to your real criteria. Great personality and kind heart may be really high on your list but then suddenly those biceps, that chest, or those legs keep getting in the way. Or maybe the guy or gal reminds you of that person whom you couldn’t have in high school, who is the opposite of your parents, or who is that movie star.

In many ways, the pandemic and social distancing may be doing you a favor and forcing you to sit quietly and think about what you want, what you really, really want, in the words of the Spice Girls.

“Immediate emotions can be a distortion of reality,” Berman explained. “Perception can get lost in the bar with alcohol.” Because alcohol is so helpful with decision-making, right?

“With the extra time these day, people may be taking more care to find what they really want,” Berman added. “Maybe this is a path towards higher success in marriages.” When the divorce rate is no better than the odds of getting tails on a coin flip, how much worse could it really get?

2. Make it clear what you want.

Liana Chaouli
Liana Chaouli (L), CEO & Founder of Image Therapists, pictured here at La Costa Resort & Spa, gives ... [+] DOUG ELLIS PHOTOGRAPHY
Of course, it helps to tell other people what you really want. It’s not a great idea to walk into Costco and say, “give me what I want.” That may bring you a broom, 20 rolls of duct tape, a seven-pound tub of Nutella, a four-foot tall wine glass, or anything that happens to be on sale or on the “get rid of this” list. Or the sales folks may answer, “well, tell us what you want,” and “please, put on your face mask while doing so.”

Similarly, expressing to others what you are looking for can help spare wasted dating effort. If you are worried about how that may make you look, furget about it. Remember people have been fighting over toilet paper, attending work meetings without wearing pants, and not getting haircuts for months. This is not the time to be bashful, indirect, or a bit fishy. In this case, fishy means either being coy or getting catfished (i.e., lured in by someone pretending to be someone else), because the stakes and investment required are now higher.

Chaouli suggested, “Give other people standards to meet. For example, on a dating profile, you can say please send me an engaging note. Standards are like a filter system.”

She added, “Be a space for others to step into. Ask questions. Genuinely express some interest. Give direction.” After all, if Pop Tarts need to have instructions such as remove pastry from packaging, a lot of people could benefit from more direction when it comes to dating.

3. Have enough remote meetings first.

Young man sitting on sofa holding smartphone communicating with african girl friend on mobile screen, making video call using cell phone mobile social media dating app. Video call concept. Over shoulder closeup view
You can learn quite a lot about each other through video chats. (Photo: Getty) GETTY
If you are the “jump into bed first, ask questions later” type of person, this is not your time. Instead, take the time and effort to really get to know the other person before getting physical. Berman thinks that this is actually a good thing in the long run: “it offers more emotional protection. If people become intimate and have sex too quickly, that distorts things.”

Video dating can be an effective way to learn about each other. Nowadays, if you meet someone online, it’s tough for that person to avoid meeting via video. Be suspicious if someone says, “oh, Tuesday through Saturday won’t work because I’ll be on the toilet those days.” Or, “I can’t meet because I’m having a bad hair day.” Heck, many of us are having a bad hair year.

At first glance, Zoom, Skype, or FaceTime may not seem like the most romantic of venues. “Hey, you are on mute”, “”I can just see the top of your head”, or “you are fading in and out” may not be on your Top 10 list of most alluring things to say. Well, perhaps, “hey, you are on mute, but what you are saying must be magical,” could work. Regardless, stripping an interaction down to its basics could actually be quite informative and beneficial. Can both of you maintain a conversation without the cover of distractions like alcohol or Meghan Trainor’s “All About the Bass” in the background?

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JakeJ
02 Feb 2021 - 09:03:39
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92 Posts
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goldfollower
06 Feb 2021 - 09:35:55
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221 Posts
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goldfollower
06 Feb 2021 - 11:06:13
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221 Posts
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goldfollower
06 Feb 2021 - 11:43:27
Citer
221 Posts
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killersmile
21 Apr 2021 - 06:50:45
289 Posts
awesome. learned alot. keep posting more
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